I felt my worthlessness wash away.
I felt my anxieties and insecurities slip into the abyss.
I felt my worry melt off my skin like a bead of sweat on a hot day .
And I remembered.
I am lovely.
I am wonderful.
I am awesome.
I am beautiful.
I love me. I truly love me and there’s SO MUCH to love about me.
I felt my heart burst open and let out pure love.
I felt my heart flow all over my body and I realized…I didn’t need anyone.
Just me. Just me could make me feel this good.
I didn’t need anyone to love me.
I didn’t need anyone to give me love.
I didn’t need love from any other source than me, because I AM SOURCE.
And I CANNOT feel that love from anyone else until I’m connected with me, and loving me.
I cannot love in my fullest capacity without having that connection with me.
I am powerful.
I am filled with strength and courage.
I am ferocious and loyal.
I am love,
I am sensual, and juicy, and delightful…
I am made up of queens and kings, and warriors and sorcerers…
So why had I forgotten this?
I looked down at myself and I saw a scared and angry little girl.
I saw a little girl that felt less because of her sex.
I saw a little girl that wanted to please the men in her life by behaving and achieving.
I saw a little girl that was angry, calling herself names, and carrying emotional weights that were holding her back.
I saw a little girl rejected by her best friend and abandoned for a cooler crowd.
I saw a little girl that felt she must tolerate and endure instead of speak her mind, and be heard.
I saw a little girl that was a burden and the reason her mother couldn’t be happy.
I saw a confused teen that felt that only her sex was desirable. Not her mind or her soul.
I saw a judgemental wife and mother who holds herself to an impossible standard and then quietly judges and punishes herself for not doing better.
And as all the heaviness rolled off my body and my heart burst through the bullshit, I saw all of them.
Plainly and clearly.
I looked at them with kindness and love and I said gently, “stop being silly, you are amazing, why do you keep forgetting these things? Let go my love. You know who you are. I love you dearly, can you please not forget?”
And I remember all the times my Mama said goodnight to me,
She’d tuck me in, give me a hug and a kiss, and as she walked out the door she’d turn, peak back in, and whisper…
Our secret way of reminding each other we loved each other.
A tender memory.
And a foreshadowing of a forgetfulness that is simply silly.
After all these years, I’ve been focused on forgetting the love in my life, instead of remembering it.
So as I lay in my bed tonight.
Reminded of my radiance, my beauty, my soul and my spirit…I think about all that I have learned and remembered.
I tuck myself in, I curl up into the sheets. And I start my new ritual.
“Remember who you are my love. Remember you ARE love and you are loved.”
Who are you forgetting you are? Drop it in the comments my loves.